The freshman experience repeated

Everyone remembers their freshman year, be it fondly or otherwise. My freshman year of college was certainly something else; I studied the hardest I ever have, I met a ton of new people, and I really started to belong to a community of students. My social group was at an all-time high as I kept in touch with friends from back home and made plenty of new ones in school.

Then life fell apart. The at-the-time love of my life and I split; I worked my ass off and got C's and D's in fairly core classes to my major. Looking back, I can't tell how anyone liked me then or before then. I was a two-faced dick. Half of my life was incredibly happy, half of it was angry and spiteful, with no real cause for either. This two-facedness did not begin in college. I'd been this way all through high school, maybe even before that. I was finally realizing how I was, how I acted, who I had become.

Depression set in. Now, my parents have said that I've been depressed for a long time, and I would believe that. Until the last year or so, I've never been really happy before. My days would range from terrible to just ok, never good or great. That's just how I lived my life, I thought everyone was like that. But the second-half of my freshmen year and all through my sophomore year brought me to me knees. Not in one fell swoop, but life gradually beat me into submission. I lost nearly all of my friends, entirely by my own methods. I wouldn't return calls, wouldn't even pick up my phone. There were many days I wouldn't even get out of bed, much less my room. When I did get up, all I did was play video games to escape from reality.

Theresa helped me through this, she was there to hold me when I needed it, which was always. Now she lives in Houston and has a life of her own. Thankfully, now I don't need it as much. I'm well medicated, I'm actually living happily and socializing again. I've gotten off my knees only to find a mountainous climb ahead of me. Only the best of my friends have kept with me through all of this, but now I realize the need for an extended social group. For the past 6 years or so I've been substituting virtual friends for real ones, and that time must come to an end. I just don't feel motivated to play games for any other reason any more, I just want friends again. I want to feel popular again, to feel loved by the masses again.

More than that, I want my freshman year back. I want to work my ass off and get A's this time, I want to meet people and do things. I've been given a third and final shot at college, and I'm going to make the best of this semester. I'm going to get out and meet people, to go to class, and to reconnect with my friends I've neglected. Life isn't all about me or what I do, but about the people we all meet and love.