icbat - Its meaning and why I am who I am

1 Corinthians 13:4-7
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Once upon a time, I was a Christ Follower. This is, of course, distinct from Christian in that the sect I belonged to held itself higher. We weren't like those preachy Christians with their trying to convert people and large, flashy shows of faith; we were a people that wanted nothing more than to be as happy as we could be, and we believed the path to that destination was the Bible. Yes, we did try to bolster our numbers, so in retrospect it really wasn't too dissimilar from the standard Assembly of MethoBaptists (the First, Second, and Third Churchs thereof).

I've since left that community, and I wish them the very best. There were two lasting effects of my time spent learning from my friend Chris and the rest of the community, however.

The first was an experience of a higher power, what some would call God. In a moment of peer-driven euphoria and rapture, I felt, and suddenly, I believed. In an auditorium, I suddenly felt moved. I realize there are many explanations to this, but I'm quite content with the one I have now, as it lends to a much better story to tell.

The second idea that I took, quite greedily I might add, from the community of Christ Followers, is icbat. While my belief in a higher power varies from day to day, icbat is something that I believe in whole-heartedly, and icbat is my guiding force behind answering life's tough questions.

You may have noticed the Bible verses I quoted at the top of the page, and perhaps you've been curious as to what relevance they hold to this conversation. The concept of icbat is explained in those verses in a very subtle manner. Simply put, icbat means to live as love; those verses serve as a guide as to how one would go about being love. Above all else, your heart an conscience can nearly always tell you which action is the most loving, if you give it some thought.

The word "icbat" comes from the transmogrification of the verses' identifiers. 1 becomes and i, C drops case to be a c, 13 looks very similar to a capital b, and 47 looks somewhat akin to capital AT. Originally, I wrote the word only in all capitals to emphasize its meaning and the value of such a philosophy. Now, hindsight being what it is, I write it only in all lower-case (with the first letter capitalized if and only if icbat appears at the beginning of a sentence) to convey the idea that I am icbat (I am love), and that by being love, I am putting others first, i.e. their names are still capitalized, but mine is not.

These days, in all seriousness, I call myself a Jedi. After wearing the title of Atheist and Agnostic for some time, I realized that neither of these titles really fit. What does fit, however, is the title of Jedi. While I make no claims as to my knighthood, or even my knowledge of the Force or the Order, I do believe this syncs up rather nicely (as well as allowing me to show my geekier side) in the following ways:

1. Unlike and Atheist or an Agnostic, I believe there is a higher good/purpose/being.
2. Similar to a Jedi, I believe that no person deserves an execution or torture, as the act of torturing or executing simply does not line up with "living love."
3. I do believe there is good in each and every person, even if they've been conditioned to only rarely show it.
4. While I don't have a replacement for an afterlife, I really don't think it's anything that anyone other than the most wise/in-tune can remotely imagine; I don't think it'll be anything comparable to this life in any way.

I'm sure there's more, and I might feel inclined to revise this further when I have more time to think. For now, though, I hope this post sheds some light on to how I live my life, and why I call myself icbat.

Song for my mother

This is a terribly belated Mother's Day slash birthday present for my mother. I wrote this around Mother's Day, along with some cheesy 4 chords, with the intention of recording it and sending it to my mom who is 300+ miles away. As is my way, I broke my microphone and have not been able to record it still. Out of fear of losing the lyrics, I'm putting them up here.

Chorus
(First time: Although) (Subsequent repetitions: ...and though) today's just another day
In what's turning out to be just another year
I just wanted you to know
That I'm grateful for all of your love.

Verse 1
You've been with me since before I could crawl
Catching me each time that I fall
I've grown to be a better man because of you
So now I ask myself 'what can I do?'
To show you how much you mean

Chorus

Verse 2
Through life, through love I've learned from you
Lessn's still I find ring true
You've always said the hardest part is showing up
Now I see how true it can be
I've been blessed to have such wonderful friend

Chorus

I'm still unhappy with the lyrics; I used to be a much better writer, but alas all things fade with time and a lack of practice. Still, I hope she finds it meaningful and day-brightening even if it is late.

Pesca-Vege-Veganism and its Frugal Results

Money is tight this year for me, as it is for my parents and I assume the majority of people (especially if the entire world is to be considered). This is really the first time I've ever had motive to create a budget, much less change my spending habits.

One positive, of many I'm sure, that has arisen from these dire times is my giving up meat. Despite years of burgers and eating steaks as rare as the chefs would prepare them, I realized nearly a month ago that I hadn't eaten meat for nearly two weeks. This, I discovered, sprung from my new spending habits: groceries instead of eating out.

During the school year and when living with my parents I ate out at least once a day, often twice or more in one day without even factoring in coffee. When I did eat out, it was likely a 50-50 spread of food that was "terrible for you" and food that was "about as healthy as eating out gets these days." When money had suddenly become tight, events like spending $10 at McDonalds were the first to go, with the relatively healthier options moving next.

Even cooking my own meals, meat became too much of an expense to bother with. I spent nearly an extra $5 on every pasta dish I wanted to make buying ground beef, and it wasn't even that much better for the meat. My wallet forbid I buy steak! Good meat was hard to find without making a significantly longer drive well out of my way; the grocery store near here just doesn't cut it (Pun Not Intended). Reverting to eating mainly starches and delicious veggies allowed me to cut down my grocery spending to help pay off more of my debt, as buying some fresh Romaine and dressing would allow for a few meals on under $5 alone, while bringing peanut butter and honey sandwiches to lunch cut my daily spending on meat-based sandwiches down significantly.

Thus, without any conscious effort to cut meat from my diet, it simply vanished out of circumstance. Two important and possibly unexpected outcomes resulted. First, despite years of conditioning I craved meat very little; in fact, I'd go so far as to say I really only crave fried food in general, not the meat.

The second and more momentous result is that even after a mere two weeks without meat, I felt incredible. I could smile without the use of alcohol or likewise, I had enough energy that my friends were reverting to using the sitcoms' of old "who are you and what have you done with Evan?" I immediately desired to get out of the house, be active and healthier.

I really don't mean to preach with this; I'm simply relating my story and what I think of it. There are other possible explanations, perhaps I'd been sleeping better or any number of other variables could be at play. What I do know is this: meat is expensive, and with all of health and safety concerns in play these days, it really just isn't worth it.

I haven't found anything to replace a red, red steak yet, but I have found a burger alternative that I find tastes even better than a beef, buffalo, or turkey burger: black bean burgers. A quick google search and I feel I can summarize:

1) Mash black beans in a bowl until pasty
2) Add chopped seasoning or additives if you like
3) Add breadcrumbs to help burger maintain shape
4) Cook until done, often by baking or grilling

Are you a pesca-vege-vegan? Please share some recipes if you have any!